Maybe this is weird, but if anyone wants to talk I would really appreciate it. I don’t really have anyone to talk to right now.

Just found this in my notes from December 2016, I never sent it.

I put so much effort into everything

I get that you’re not sentimental but it drives me crazy because it feels like I would jump in front of a train for you or drop everything for you and you never would do anything like that for me.

I feel like I’m trapped in this relationship

I’m so unhappy

I don’t like having to text you good morning everyday when I know you’re already up but you’re just waiting for me. I’m patient and I can try to work to make this work but I have. Countless times. You don’t make me happy any more.

And I can’t say something like “ever since you became depressed it’s been such a drag trying to make you happy or make this relationship work” because that’s just not nice or good or fair but it’s TRUE. I’m exhausted trying to make it work, I do EVERYTHING in this relationship and I’m tired for saying sorry for things I’m not sorry for. And the thing that SUCKS. It fucking SUCKS is that this break is going to be great, we are going to have so much fun and it’ll just be grand. BUT then it’ll end. And when it ends and I go back to school like I always do, the first week will be a shit show of fighting and arguing because it always is. I’ll be all “long distance is just so hard for me” and you’ll be like “I’m sorry babe but we gotta just make it work” and what kills me is that it feels like YOU DONT CARE. YOU DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT BEING LONG DISTANCE.